I was gonna…

I was gonna do a video tutorial on how to make a quilted coaster.  But about 3 seconds after I thought of it I thought about what I looked like right now and that idea went right. out. the. window.

I’m not really a high maintenance sort of gal, really I’m not.  Which is probably why I look like garbage 90% of the time now that I think of it.  But I am very pale, that sort of pale you see when you watch things on the BBC.  The pale that is almost translucent.  That pale.  And hence, the circles under my eyes just stand out all the more.  And my eye lashes are clear.  They aren’t even blonde or red.  They are clear.  You can see right through them, they are nearly invisible.  And sure, there is mascarra but it takes kind of alot of time to put it on.  Think of painting a clear piece of glass pitch black.  It’s gonna take a few coats.  And it’s already after 4pm so what’s the point?  Also, when I showered this morning I never properly brushed my hair apparently, or looked in a mirror and the waves and swirls and nonsense that do that thing to my bangs is in full force.

So I was gonna, but now I won’t.

Cause you can’t see me through a blog post.

But I am also not going to write a tutorial because I am not capable of being that focused for that long.

So I will write a brief recap of the irritatingly weird things my kids did recently.

Gabs got pissed at me and dumped a glass of very cold water on me.  First she said “I feel like I want to hit you.” and I said “that would be a very, very bad idea.” and she said “I know, I am not going to hit you, I just feel like I want to.” and then she dumped the water.  Then I swore and chased her, which wasn’t much of a chase considering Gabs is Gabs.  Then she spent the day writing “I will control my temper.”  seriously.  The entire rest of the day.  She actually sort of seemed to enjoy it oddly enough.  Whatever.

Timothy hates writing.  Not the actual thinking things up, because he has no trouble coming up with endless amounts of nonsense to talk about.  He just physically hates to write.  I think he is actually a lefty and I told my ex husband he was a lefty and then when he started Pre-K my ex told them he was a righty so they kept encouraging him to write with his right hand (this write and right thing is sending my spell check into a tizzy.) and so now he is all sorts of mixed up.  You should see him bowl.  Or bat.  He isn’t sure what he is.  Anyhow, now he is 14 and he hates writing, but he had some thank you notes to write for gifts he received for his confirmation.  Three.  That’s all.

(I need to include a back story for this to have the full effect.  He really loves chips.  Like it’s a running joke and for Christmas Brian’s brother and sister in law gave him an enormous box filled with full sized bags of chips.  Cathy thought it was a terrible idea.  I thought it was genius and hilarious.  Timothy thought it was the best. gift. ever.)

He wrote his first thank you note.  He doesn’t know how to properly write anything, not a letter or card.  Nothing.  Because that’s how it is these days.  He also can’t write or read script.  They don’t teach it.  So I pulled up some thank you card wording suggestions on the computer for him and left him to write while I was a few feet away working on glass.  I mentioned he was 14, right?  Like, he should be able to do this entirely by himself.  He says ,”ok!  I’m done with this one!” (first he asked if a comma went after Dear.  I told him it did not, it went after each name and then tried to explain WHY that was but he made that UUUUGH noise really loudly so I mentally gave him the finger and physically rolled my eyes and went back to work) so I walked over to look it over and show him how to address an envelope and put a stamp on.  I mentioned he was 14, right?  I look at the note and it’s written pretty well.  The handwriting is readable.  The words are not.

“did you write this in Spanish?”

yes, yes he did.  He doesn’t speak Spanish.  As far as I know Gary and Cathy don’t speak Spanish.  But he figured it would be funny so he used google translate (never leave your 14 year old alone with a computer.) to write it in Spanish.  It looked pretty correct with the tiny bit of Spanish I know.  I asked him what it said exactly.  I will give you the English paraphrased version.

Dear Gary, Cathy, Riley, and Steven, (“the comma after Riley is optional, you know”  his response? “UUUUGH”)

Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift.  I really appreciate it.  I intend to spend every cent of it on potato chips.

Thanks again,

My kid may not know how to write a letter, read script, address an envelope or even know what side of the envelope is the front or where the stamp goes, but he is a freaking genius.




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