I don’t know if it’s a full moon or what, but everything I touch turns to shit these last two days.
I have burned/ singed/ melted more fabric and vinyl (and skin. Let’s add skin to that list.) than I care to think about because I have the iron on the wrong setting or because Gabrielle needs lunch RIGHT THIS SECOND OH MY GOD and I am trying to hurry. (Noon. She has to have lunch at noon. If her lunch is not ready by 12:02 you hear about it. I ask her to wait until I finish what I am working on. She says ok. 30 seconds later she asks if she can make the sandwich herself. I tell her no. Please wait for me. She says ok.. 30 seconds later I hear the fridge open. Today she had to wait till 12:09. My God. The horror. 9 minutes of near starvation for Gabrielle.) So I finished what I had to do for work, have decided the rest of the day will be laundry and bed changing and turned off all other equipment I could hurt myself on. Edited to add: No, apparently I did not turn off everything I could hurt myself on. It seems I got ambitious after the initial writing of this and started to use the heat press. I would be involved in what I was doing and then Gabrielle would say something and I would startle and burn myself. This happened 3 times. Twice on one arm once on the other. There will probably be scars. There are blisters already. It’s very hard not to raise my voice when things like this happen so I just stomp my foot and say Fuuuck as quietly as I can.
Yesterday, I took one of my sewing machines apart because it wasn’t working correctly and I thought maybe it needed to be cleaned or something. I’m pretty good about cleaning out the bobbin case area and all that. Or so I though. Then I took the back off and sure enough, there was enough lint, fur, and glitter- GLITTER? Yes, Glitter, I don’t know why either- in there to make a small but sparkly cat. So I was all proud that I cleaned it all out and oiled it and put it back togeth…. wait. where are all the fucking screws? Why do I have extra of this size and not enough of that size? Where the fuck does THIS go. What even IS this? Why won’t the needle go up and down anymore? It was going up and down fine a minute ago. Oh, to hell with it. I put all the parts in a plastic bag, taped it to the machine, put it in my car and figure eventually I will be near the machine repair shop and I will drop kick it into the door. I have other machines in the meanwhile.
In other news, my neighbors put up a chicken coop and have 4 chickens. There is no good reason for this that I can ascertain. They are renters and they have no fence and I am absolutely certain that it’s against every CDD rule there is and I LOVE THEM! I asked if they could get a sheep next and if so could I name it? They seemed into the idea until I asked to name it. Then the husband was like “we are not getting a sheep.” I bet they are afraid I will name it Lamb Chop. I totally wouldn’t. I would name it Annabelle.
I told them that if I could have gotten a livestock past Brian I would have mini-farm by now. This is terrific. It’s like I can have all the fun of watching and listening to the chicks and not have to actually do anything. Plus they said we could have eggs. And the chickens make cute noises. I am just disappointed that they didn’t name one Cooper. I mean, how can you NOT name a chicken Cooper? And Yolko. They should have Cooper and Yolko. And I am also disappointed that they were not as enthusiastic about the sheep idea as I was. They sell this one kind of sheep that is tiny and like 15 lbs and the size of a small dog and is all friendly and such called a baby doll sheep. I could totally pass it off as a dog if I could get my hands on one AND I could sheer it for the wool AND we would never need to mow the grass. So I think they are just being short-sighted and distracted by the current livestock in their lives and will eventually come around to my way of thinking.
I could even DYE the sheep while it is still wearing its wool. I know how. Kool AId would do nicely. Although food coloring and vinegar work well too. But doesn’t smell as good. We could have a rainbow sheep. If only they didn’t act like I was stalking them when I see them in the backyard and go rushing out waving frantically. Ok, I’m not that bad, but when I saw them both in Hobby Lobby Last night I totally avoided them because seriously, they are going to start to think I follow them around.
I don’t know how we got here from there. How I got to livestock and Hobby Lobby and neighbors and chicken coops from me not being able to actually function in life the last couple of days. Perhaps this is WHY I can’t function in life the past couple of days -OHMYGOD. They have to name one of the chickens Beyonce. I seriously thought of that mid-sentence. Here’s the link to the Beyonce blog post by The Bloggess in case you don’t know what I am talking about.
I have wanted a Beyonce for a while now and I have seen them for sale here and there. There was a really tall one at a Landscape place near us and I would look longingly at it each time we passed, but then one day it was gone. Actually, there were two and a huge flamingo and they were ALL gone. Maybe there was a sale? Eve suggested they just all crossed the road. I don’t know, there’s nothing on the other side of that road and it’s a kind of dangerous road. We probably would have seen feathers and metal all over if they tried that. However, I recently thought of something more SHANNON and yet equally horrific to Brian to stick in the front yard but I absolutely can’t think of what it is at the moment. Damn it.
I wonder if I sent Beyonce (the giant metal chicken, not the singer.) an invitation to my wedding if it would come?
Ok, anyhow, I am going to go or a walk before I do any more damage here.
Which reminds me. You know what makes me a terrible runner other than the fact that I am super slow? The fact that I stop to look at every plant and animal I come across. Last night I was checking out this cool looking frog. Meanwhile, Brian was wondering if I was dragged into the woods and killed. Actually, he was watching a movie but I’m sure he was wondering it quietly in his unassuming sort of way.
I mean it now. I’m done writing. ONWARD!
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shannonbrennanetc 